||[Jun. 16th, 2009|08:34 pm]
The Veritable TechNinja
So, after nigh 18 years of a sedentary lifestyle of pizza and video games, I've decided I'd like to be in shape. I'm about 175 pounds and a 34" waist now, which I suppose isn't bad. I'd like to be about the same but with a much, much lower BMI when I'm done. Right now I've got a burgeoning beer belly and about 1 1/2" love handles. I'd like to have a flat stomach and sides, a slimmer face, bigger legs, and the overall slight suggestion of muscle tone beneath taut skin. More Edward Norton in Fight Club than Brad Pitt.
To do this, I've started walking. I'm going to walk 4 miles a day, three days a week. I'm going to take in about 1300-1900 calories per day whether I exercise or not. It's actually pretty cool to get to be downtown every other day. Seeing neighborhoods, gardens, people passing by. The first day went badly overall, but was interesting. Decided I needed a goal and a reward, so I got two beers at Ashley's, which was my turnaround point. Of course, walking 4 miles burnt 400 calories, and two beers is 400 calories. On the way back, some jackass in a Miata was already over the crosswalk when I was trying to cross, and then started inching when I entered the street. Fucker actually nudged my knee. Sure, it was at .2 miles an hour and didn't even leave a bruise, but the asscactus hit me with his car. I responded by sitting down on his hood and putting my ring down pretty hard on the paint. He drove away, knowing if he said anything it would have to start with "so I hit this guy with my car, and..."
Today, I bought a pair of running shoes and a pedometer, and switched the beer for a 0-calorie drink. No booze tonight plus extra lean diet today means I took in 1100 calories and burned 400. Going to try to return the shoes, the lady said they don't come in different colors but their website says otherwise. I wore them home, so maybe I'm screwed, but meh. I can live with looking weird in black pants and silver/white/blue shoes. Thighs are a bit chapped again today, I don't even know if they make "walking shorts". They're probably just flabby, either they'll shrink or the skin will toughen up soon.
In the eating department, I'm still going to eat fast food every workday lunch. 3 tacos from Taco Bell with a bunch of hot sauce is still 490 calories. Hell, my favorite Quizno's sub is still only 700. Still going to eat nukables for dinner. Trying to keep those under 600, but that doesn't take much, most nukables are diet food anyway. On the weekends I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want, but maybe take ridiculous portions home with me instead of wolfing it all down.
So if I keep to this regimen, the internets say I'll lose 2 pounds a week without even taking exercise in to the equation That means I only have to do this for 5 months to get down to 140. With the exercise, maybe I can do it in 3. Maybe in the real world where I drink beer, slack off, and pig out, 6 months. Now I don't expect to ever actually weigh 140, that's just what I figure I weigh without any body fat or increase in muscle mass. In the end, I'd like to add 20 pounds of muscle mass, mostly in my back, tummy, and calves. So in the end, I'll be 160, but have a BMI closer to 21 than 28. The muscle building I'm partly doing now, but I plan on losing the weight and building the endurance first. Then I'll up the calories to about 2600 per day, add three eggs a day, cut the walking down to the YMCA and back, and start lifting weights and using machines. No funky protein shakes, no 20 pills a day. Just a multivitamin, some eggs, and enough daily calories to support an increase in muscle mass. I'll do this until I'm happy with myself, then recalculate what I need to do to maintain that weight with little to no exercise. Yes, I'm going to go right back to being lazy, just not eat as much. We'll see how it goes.