||[Jul. 17th, 2001|01:07 pm]
The Veritable TechNinja
|||||Bukimi 3 - Plight (Future Sound of Ypsilanti mix)||]|
Paranor... Wait, it's just another flying cow story.
I don't get it, I'm just not stimulating conversation any more. I've read the techniques of others, and I don't see where I'm falling short. A good part of my motivations for starting this thing was to meet new people without the sociological shortcomings of the "icebreaking" period. Fat lot of good it's done me so far.
I've spent the day in deep thought. I've been deconstructing all these billboards I've put up in my personality, telling people who I want to be. I want to not bother with that sort of thing, I don't have time for the facade. Altruism is my means of self-fulfillment, the road to an inner feeling of glory. Needless to say, I'm back on the Binzuru kick.
Those two paragraphs were written with the intent to refer to the paradox in my mind at the moment. I'm not too keen on the idea of changing how I express myself in order to make people like me, but on the other hand I'm tired of people walking right by what I find groundbreaking. I admit, I'm a weirdo, and I'm always going to be, I can't change how I think. I think I'm stuck waiting for something that may never come, someone to appreciate my perspective. Not to emulate it, but to see it's worth and provide their own insight to broaden the total picture.
Systematic. I've always had a subliminal need to trace circuits in to my speech and actions. This journal is the wiring diagram. The last few entries are me installing new logic gates between traces that were until now separate. Anyone want to flick the switch and see if I'll boot? Coffee. Whenever. Whoever. Wherever.