?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I almost died about half an hour ago. Some assbasting fucknozzle… - The Veritable TechNinja [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Veritable TechNinja

[ website | ~/public_html ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

[Nov. 15th, 2005|06:37 pm]
The Veritable TechNinja
[status |pissed offpissed off]
[waveform |The Offspring - Staring at the Sun]

I almost died about half an hour ago.



Some assbasting fucknozzle wasn't looking where he was going while following someone. The guy ahead of him gets on to the exit ramp, so he does too, because he's a douchebag. Startled and panicking, Señor Fignuts plows over the last few feet of pavement before the embankment, straight for me. I've got a doddling moron in a minivan in the middle lane directly beside me. I've got a frantic Mr Magoo in a Cadillac on a collision course for my front bumper on the other side. I realize I don't have the braking distance to get out of the way fast enough, and I've got someone about a car length behind me at 70MPH anyway. I slam the gas, press as close as fucking possible to the minivan, and peel the fuck out. Of course, this incurs some skid, but I've got three computer-controlled differentials to help mitigate that. I could have sworn I fishtailed in to the minivan, but I heard no thud nor altered my direction. All three of us managed to straighten out, including our nefarious antagonist. You're fucking welcome. I was thisfar from forcing you to the side of the road and taking your decrepit jaw off your face. You almost killed me, so I get to return the favor and almost kill you.

People, I don't know how to make this more clear. Inclement weather precludes typical freeway asshattery. Keep a constant speed, don't brake unless you have to, don't arbitrarily change lanes, pay attention, think ahead, and don't overestimate yourself. Keep both hands on the fucking wheel, both eyes on the road, and be aware of your surroundings.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: glinted
2005-11-15 11:58 pm (UTC)
yeah, the ride home on 23 was suck tonight. glad to be home.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-16 02:31 pm (UTC)
Yeesh, I avoid 23 like the plague during rush hour. It's worse than the stretch of 94 between 23 and Jackson Ave during rush hour. On the other hand, once you get South of Pittsfield on 23, it's practically empty.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: angelopercieval
2005-11-16 01:51 am (UTC)
Ok... I'm really sorry about what happened to you... and I'm very happy that you are ok... with that said.

THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS. Not the event, but the way in which you described it.

I love having witty, clever friends.

-A
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-16 02:32 pm (UTC)
Gotta laugh at it lest I rage at it.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: torqueandflip
2005-11-16 01:53 am (UTC)
It is a sad fact that most people to not know how to drive at all.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: demonicaangel
2005-11-16 02:30 am (UTC)
just wait till the white stuff flies and everyone completely forgets how to drive. we had snow here about a week ago...just a dusting nothing sticking and it melted as soon as it hit the ground. I'm beboping along at a comfortable 55 on a street with no posted speed limit and I happen upon a fuckhead doing 20 right after a blind curve. I hit the brakes and swerve off to the shoulder and then they look at me like I was doing something wrong. you'd think that living on the snowbelt people wouldn't panic over a few flakes but every year without fail....
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-16 02:33 pm (UTC)
I despise those people. Going 40 in the fast lane on 94 during rush hour in their $80K Land Rovers that were built for that kind of thing.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: demonicaangel
2005-11-16 11:42 pm (UTC)
it drives me batty...what also drives me batty are the people in shit boxes doing 90 in the same weather. mind you I live in one of the nations top 15 metropolitan areas for snowfall with an average of about 120 inches of snow a year...almost all lake effect. I sometimes wonder in the middle of winter if there is a road under all that snow.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-17 03:28 am (UTC)
Don't mind them as much as long as they're not weaving or causing others to freak out. It's rarely the case, but still.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2005-11-16 05:43 am (UTC)
I believe the proper term for someone not paying attention when following on the freeway is actually cocknozzle. A "fucknozzle" is someone who turns right on red ten seconds after the light changes without making sure there's space in front of the cars who have the green.

Oh, and--all praise Our Lady of Blessed AWD! My Miata is officially Parked For The Season, barring a random dry sunny day before April. Snow tires, ho!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-16 02:44 pm (UTC)
I'm actually really surprised by the wet traction of the stock tires, that's about the only thing they're good for. That and the crazy diff control software are the only things that kept me from getting peeled off the freway and disposed of.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: alceria
2005-11-17 05:05 pm (UTC)
AH, so THAT's the term. I got honked at two days ago for refusing to be a fucknozzle in order to enable the ass behind me (who had tailgated me through a residential I was already going 10 over in) to do his own fucknozzle thing. I involuntarily yelled at him to fuck off and it wasn't until the words escaped my mouth that I realized it was so loud he must have heard me. I guess there are good things about driving with the top down in FL.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-17 05:30 pm (UTC)
I once got followed around and stared down by a guy who I yelled a string of obcenities at as he whipped around a blind corner the wrong way in a parking garage. Didn't realize my window was open. Doh!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: alceria
2005-11-17 05:35 pm (UTC)
At least in Detroit we can wave our guns around and act belligerant! :P
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: arcsine
2005-11-17 05:59 pm (UTC)
I would've gotten all hardassed on him, but I was in Chicago and this guy had a very large truck, appeared Southern. They have much bigger guns than us Detroit folk.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: recovry
2005-11-16 06:48 pm (UTC)
I feel the same way about people driving with cell phones.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: alceria
2005-11-17 05:03 pm (UTC)
I'm sitting here in Florida, looking out at palm trees and a pool and I keep seeing mentions of snow popping up on my friends list and it's making me homesick.

But you just reminded me of the "first snow of the season, i forgot how to drive" phenomenon. I mean wtf is with people? EVERY YEAR it's like it's a new thing! Fucking learn how to drive!

Thanks for putting it all back into perspective. Maybe these unchanging palm trees aren't that bad.
(Reply) (Thread)